Akatsuki News
by AnimeFreaks2007
Summary: Summary inside rating went up due to language and for future chapters for when ppl actually START to comment it thank you MANY PAIRINGS GET OVER IT!
1. Chapter 1

Akatsuki News

Summary: Channel 13 5 o'clock News in Konoha has some new and interesting reporters on now…How will the ratings do??

Prologue: Cast and Crew

It was three o clock in the after noon and Jiraiya had two hours to find new crew members for the news that night since he fires the old crew and he wasn't fairing so well. That is until a group of unfortunate people walk in with a hiring flyer.

"Yo bitch we saw this god damn fucking flyer!" This girl with long silver purplish hair with menacing lavender eyes cursed holding up the flyer. Jiraiya began laughing nervously when he noticed what they were all wearing. These people were the utmost feared organization…The Akatsuki's. That's when he got a bright idea which caused him to smirk.

"Alright you all are hired!" Jiraiya said holding his arms out smiling evilly.

"Don't we like have to audition for the fucking positions?" Another girl with long green hair and red eyes asked and an arched eyebrow.

"Oh that won't be necessary I'll be choosing your parts. And since you two girls like cursing ya'll will be my breaking news reporters!" Jiraiya laughed pointing at the two girls who had spoken first thus far.

"What the fuck?! Why do you get to fucking choose what we're going to fucking do." This guy who looked like the first girl hissed crossing his arms across his chest.

"Hidan language!" Some girl with blue hair and a flower in it scolded.

"_Flower-Chan shut up you bitch_!" Hidan yelled glaring at her, said girl crossed her arms starring at him with a very dangerous look. The girl who looked like Hidan smacked her forehead sighing in disappointment.

"Why don't you both shut the fuck up before I cut both ya'lls god damn fucking heads off." The girl hissed annoyed.

"Amaya lets try not to start any fights yet please." The green haired girl said sighing in annoyance rubbing her temples.

"You shouldn't be talking Sasomi!" This guy who looked like said girl but with short red hair snapped. Jiraiya went into sweat drop as everyone began arguing.

"….SHUT UP!!!!!" Jiraiya yelled, everything went quiet as they starred at him.

"Okay now everyone state your name!" Jiraiya said everyone nodding.

"You already know who the fuck I am!" Amaya growled.

"Same with me!" Flower-Chan and Sasomi said.

"Sasori." The guy who looked similar to Sasomi said.

"Deidara un!" This guy said.

(Everyone knows what he looks like! I'll be putting picture links of everyone at the end of the chapter)

"Zetsu." A venus fly trap person said with two different voices.

"You already know me." Hidan growled.

"Kakuzu." A man with a mask said.

"TOBI'S A GOOD BOY!" A boy in an orange mask cheered everyone going into sweat drop.

"Uchiha…Itachi." The Uchiha prodigy said.

"Kisame Da Shark Man." A blue shark like man said smiling.

"Madara." An older version of Sasuke said.

"Hey aren't you supposed to be like 90 and dead?" Jiraiya asked.

"Don't ask." Madara narrowed his eyes at the Ero-Sanin.

"And everyone should know who I am….Yondaime the 4th Hokage at your service!" An older Naruto look alike said smiling Naruto's trade mark grin.

(OMG SPOILER….NOT!!!!!!!!)

"Um and you're supposed to be dead!" Jiraiya snapped pointing at his former student.

"Oh put a cork in it!" Yondaime growled.

"Okay well here's the list." Jiraiya said holding it up.

_**Position List and show order:**_

Yondaime- _**Anchor Number One**_

(_"YEA I'M NUMBER ONE!" Yondaime cheered._)

Madara- _**Anchor Number Two**_

(_"Why am I number two?" Madara twitched. "Get over it baby!" Yondaime smirked and the two began wrestling_)

Sasori- _**Weather Person**_

(_"Well that's a boring part…oh well." Sasori said. "Tell me about it that's why I quit…It was so troublesome." Shikamaru said. "Where'd you come from?" Sasori asked. "I don't know." Shikamaru said and the two began thinking._)

Itachi- _**Special Report Interview in Konoha **_

(_"What the fuck?! Not good Sasuke's going to be there…Great I knew there was a conspiracy against me!" Itachi said everyone going into sweat drop and just decided to ignore him and stay quiet._)

Tobi- _**Lottery **_

(_"Ooooo What's a lottery?!" Tobi asked with sparkles in his eyes from under the mask. "Gambling." Amaya simply said._)

Deidara- _**Special Report Interview in Suna **_

(_"Ah fuck they're so going to kill me un!" Deidara complained. "Yea that's because you kidnapped and hurt their PRECIOUS Kazekage." Sasomi sarcastically said._)

Kisame- _**Sports **_

(_"SWEET SPORTS! This is so cool I was never able to play sports when I was a kid…" Kisame began explaining his bad child hood everyone tuning him out._)

Hidan- _**Traffic News **_

(_"What the…Is there even any traffic in Japan?!" Hidan asked everyone nodding in agreement but decided not to ask._)

Amaya- _**Breaking News Interview**_

(_"What the who am I supposed to interview?!" Amaya asked with twitching eyes. "Anybody interesting." Jiraiya said reading an Icha Icha Paradise Book he had written._)

Zetsu- _**Mailman Special**_

(_Zetsu twitches, "Lunch." He said. "Zetsu you are forbidden to eat anybody." Yondaime and Jiraiya said, both sides of Zetsu now pouting._)

Sasomi- _**Breaking News Interview **_

(_"I have a bad feeling of who you're going to interview." Sasori said looking up at the girl. "Oh come now older brother it won't be that bad!" Sasomi said innocently placing hands out everyone going into sweat drop and sighed._)

Kakuzu- _**Camera Man**_

(_"What the fuck…Oh well its better than walking around and talking for an hour on end." Kakuzu said everyone going into sweat drop again._)

Flower-Chan- _**Second Producer**_

(_"Okay…well then who's the first producer?" Flower-Chan asked. "I am gorgeous." Jiraiya said and then got punched. 'Pervert!' Flower-Chan, Amaya and Sasomi thought all three women had punched him._)

'Why do I have a feeling this is going to go down the drain?' Jiraiya thought.

"Well you peeps get ready. I have a meeting to attend to so Flower-Chan you are going to be in charge. Remember the news starts at five." Jiraiya said and disappeared out the door.

"That god damn chicken! He fucking left us!" Amaya freaked beginning to get steamed, Hidan and Kakuzu sighing then hugged her.

"Don't worry our daughter we'll take care of him when he gets back." Kakuzu and Hidan said.

"Thank you daddies!" Amaya smiled.

"Alright you interview reporters get out there and find the people you are interviewing!" Flower-Chan cheered; Itachi and Deidara walked out mumbling curses about conspiracies against them, Amaya and Sasomi walked out smiling away happily.

"Now for the rest of you…._get to your god damn positions or I'll bring out the fucking whip!_" Flower-Chan yelled, everyone running to their spots. After a while it was two minutes before they go on air. Tobi had made a new sign.

Old Sign:

Konoha Channel 13 News

New Sign:

Akatsuki Central Channel 13 News

Kakuzu went into sweat drop but shrugged it off…He hoped it wouldn't come out of his pay check or Tobi was going to die.

"YO…FLOWER-CHAN! We need new camera's…But make sure they are cheap." Kakuzu said.

"Oh shut the fuck up bitch!" Flower-Chan said then went into her new office.

"Alright… FIVE…FOUR….THREE…TWO…ONE…" Kakuzu yelled then pointed at Yondaime and Madara….

TBC

Hahaha cliff hanger, well if you want more begin commenting...This has been a…GaaraKimimaroLover and Sailor Universe Darkness production.


	2. Chapter 2

Recap:

"_YO…FLOWER-CHAN! We need new camera's…But make sure they are cheap." Kakuzu said._

"_Oh shut the fuck up bitch!" Flower-Chan said then went into her new office._

"_Alright… FIVE…FOUR….THREE…TWO…ONE…" Kakuzu yelled then pointed at Yondaime and Madara…._

Chapter One: Konoha, Weather, Lottery Oh My

"Hello and welcome to Akatsuki Central News…I'm your host Uzamaki Arashi…" Yondaime began.

"And I'm Uchiha Madara…" Madara cut in.

"And we're your anchor men." They both said, Kakuzu giving them a thumbs up for their process thus far.

"So Madara what does it feel like having SECOND chair compared to moa of course?" Yondaime asked placing a hand on his chest.

"Be careful Arashi if you brag too much your hair will fall out!" Madara hissed warningly, Kakuzu going into sweat drop now thinking this wasn't going to turn out good at all.

"Oh come now Madara don't be a spoiled sport since, of course I was the first to defeat you and take over leader ship." Yondaime said and then was tackled out of his seat by Madara. Tobi came on and took the microphone.

"Um and now over to Itachi with an interview with a team from Konoha!" Tobi exclaimed the screen switching over to a very annoyed Itachi who was trying to ignore Sasuke who was yelling curses at his brother being held back by Sakura and Naruto.

"Hi this is Uchiha Itachi standing with Squad Seven of Konoha…So tell me Kakashi-San how does it feel having my FOOLISH little brother on your team?" Itachi asked holding the microphone to Kakashi's mouth.

"Well I have to say…" Kakashi began.

"_He's a real dobe!"_ Naruto interrupted being tackled to the ground by Sakura.

"Um…And how does it feel having two bakas on your team?" Itachi asked motioning his eyes towards Naruto and Sakura holding the microphone to Kakashi, but before he could say anything Sasuke stole the microphone.

"Hello Konoha this is Uchiha Sasuke speaking and I have a few phrases to say…" Sasuke began slowly turning and facing Itachi. Who was now thinking this wasn't going as he planned.

"_I'm going to kill your ass you mother fucking piece of shit of a damn Uchiha genius! One of these days…_" Sasuke began but all of a sudden Amaya and Sasomi walked up arguing over something random.

"Um yes Amaya?" Itachi asked stealing back the microphone and holding it up to the young girl ignoring the googling eyes coming from Sasomi…Squad Seven in utmost confusion.

"Um yea…Which fucking way do you take at the damn mother fucking pitch fork in the road?" Amaya asked bored.

"Um you take…" Sasuke began.

"Left." Itachi finished.

"Eye Twitches _Okay mother fucker daddy Kakuzu says take the right you say take the left and this fucking pinhead says lets do the shoe fortune technique!_" Amaya yelled pointing at Sasomi who then twitched but ignored the comment for now…she was too busy gawking at Itachi.

"_You take the fucking right path god damn it_!" Sasuke finally yelled, somehow through out Konoha there is laughter.

"Well you would know that since you were his sex toy for a while." Amaya smirked and dragged Sasomi off.

"Don't worry Itachi my love I'll be back for you!" Sasomi called throwing a hanky to Itachi who caught it. Once Amaya and Sasomi were out of sight Itachi stuffs the hanky down Sasuke's throat before the young boy could say anything.

"And there you have it residence of Konoha the interview of Squad Seven…Now back to you Arashi-Sama…and…UNCLE!" Itachi said the camera switching back to Madara and Yondaime.

"Thank you my NEPHEW!" Madara said through gritted teeth, slightly twitching Yondaime laughing to himself.

"And…And now to Sasori with the weather!" Yondaime laughed falling backwards in his chair. Madara smacking himself in the face with the clip board he had; the camera had switched over to a VERY VERY VERY bored Sasori.

"Um greeting I am Akasuna no Sasori…Oh fuck introductions everyone is going to die in a massive flood due to it going to be raining for the rest of eternity!" Sasori said with boredom. Suddenly Sasomi stormed in backhanding Sasori stealing the microphone.

"I dearly apologize for my older twin brothers insolence…In Konoha it shall be sunny with a few scattered showers…And Suna unfortunately the temperature is going to rise to a high of 200 degrees and the low shall reach 159 degrees I highly apologize…Now Sasori when we go home…_your ass is mine_!" Sasomi growled.

"Sniff, sniff Where's my baby?!" Hidan complained beginning to cry.

"Oh I tied her to the fork in the road with blessed ninja wire." Sasomi said and walked out…Somewhere near the Sound Village.

"_Only you can make me feel so true  
I'll never never be so blue as long as I have you_

Only you can make me feel so true  
What ever ever I can do it's because of you  
Only you can make me feel so true  
I'll never never be so blue as long as I have you." Amaya was singing Kabuto walking up with an ice cream cone which had caused her to stop singing and start licking her lips hungrily. Kabuto shrugged then walked off to the right path.

"GIMME THE GOD DAMN FUCKING ICE CREAM YOU MOTHER FUCKING PEDOPHILE!" Amaya yelled rocking the fork in the road to where it fell over just as Sasomi with raised eyebrows shrugging and began dragging Amaya and the fork with her closely behind Kabuto stealing the ice cream stuffing it into Amaya's mouth. Back at the news station it had been switched back to Yondaime and Madara.

"So Yondaime have you told Naruto…THE TRUTH?!" Madara asked Yondaime slowly turned his head to the 90 year old Uchiha pulling a kunai out.

"You say anything and I'll castrate you then make you eat them!" Yondaime warned hissing at Madara.

"And now to Tobi with the lottery." Kisame said coming on with a microphone, the camera switching over to Tobi who was just standing there now staring into the camera not knowing what to do.

"Um…Tobi is a good boy!" He cheered and began dancing around in front of the camera. Next thing everyone knew Itachi walked on stealing the microphone.

"Today's five lucky numbers are; B4, A2, G9, N4 and L7." Itachi said and walked off his eyes twitching, as the camera was switched back over to Yondaime and Madara.

"And now we'll be right back after these commercial messages." Madara smilled waiting for Kakuzu's signal that they had gone to commercial. Once they received it Madara began trying to strangle Yondaime. Kakuzu and Hidan wandering about their precious little daughter; Sasori hoping his sister gets eaten by something.

TBC

I hoped you peeps liked it! Review and more shall come! For warning we will be changing our name to AnimeFreaks in one week due to our name on which is also AnimeFreaks. 


	3. Chapter 3

Until we get more comments there will be no more chapters until then.

Thanks,

nolifeangel

and

Sailor Universe Darkness


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